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I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances disappeared at that point, since they had been focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, probably understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several close to her vanished and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us retired so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my position between us is as the audience. I open subjects but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She's been organizing a vacation to a country I know well on several occasions even called home for a while. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She really solely sought me to confirm her plans. I've just come back from 30 days in that country she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, yet this is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with a view to a solution demands strength and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear like an unbiased account. Step two is to tell the way it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument here. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to ask how the two of you can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Remember she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably successful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject everything, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative about themselves they won't release since their identity depends upon it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. But she may start out this way before reflecting on your words. If a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have peace from having been truthful.