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This year marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who opt out of having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {